We all know that the human brain is divided into two hemispheres – the left and the right. However, not everyone fully understands what this means, especially in the context of children's emotions. Let's take a closer look at how each hemisphere influences children's behavior.

How Do the Brain Hemispheres Work?

The left hemisphere is responsible for logical thinking, analysis, and order. It thrives on structure, loves words, and clear communication. It operates in a rational manner, making it essential for problem-solving and understanding instructions.

The right hemisphere, on the other hand, is the realm of intuition and emotions. It processes images, sounds, and non-verbal cues – like tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures. It becomes more active when we experience strong emotions and act on instinct.

Ideally, both hemispheres would work in harmony, allowing for a balance between emotions and rational thinking. However, there are times, especially in children, when one hemisphere takes over. Let's explore situations where the right hemisphere dominates – these are the moments when emotions overwhelm children, making it difficult for them to listen or understand what we’re saying.

Why Do Children React Emotionally?

In children under the age of three, the right hemisphere naturally dominates. At this developmental stage, the brain structures responsible for self-control and emotional regulation are still maturing. This means that children often cannot manage their feelings and react impulsively. Even adults sometimes experience a dominance of the right hemisphere, but their fully developed brains provide more tools for self-regulation.

When strong emotions take over, logical arguments lose their effectiveness – every parent knows how challenging it can be to communicate with a highly emotional child. This happens because the right hemisphere "shuts down" the ability to think rationally.

How Can We Help Children in Moments of Emotional Overwhelm?

Fortunately, there are techniques that can help us connect with children when they’re emotionally distressed. Daniel Siegel suggests a "connect and redirect" approach, which involves two steps:

1. Connect – First, we need to reach the child using our own right hemisphere. This means showing empathy, using a gentle tone, and matching our facial expressions and body language to the situation. It’s crucial to focus on the child's current emotional state, saying something like: “I can see you’re very upset.” This type of communication helps the child feel understood, making it easier for them to regain emotional balance.
2. Redirect – Once we’ve established emotional connection, we can move on to logical conversation. This is the time to ask questions, suggest solutions, or use reasoned arguments. However, it's essential to calm the emotions first before addressing problem-solving.

How to Respond When a Child Is Emotionally Overwhelmed?

Depending on the intensity of the child's emotional state, we can adapt our approach. If a child is only mildly upset, a single sentence that combines empathy with logic may be enough, such as: “I see you're sad because you lost your toy. Let's look for it together.”

If the child is extremely distressed, they need more time to calm down. In such cases, it's best to use simple statements like: “I understand that you're angry…” and then give them space to process their feelings and return to a state of calm.

Why Naming Emotions Is Important

Many parents may believe that naming emotions is overrated. However, research shows that labeling emotions helps integrate both hemispheres, allowing the child to better understand their feelings and calm down more quickly. Naming what the child is experiencing helps them feel understood and accepted.

Example: A child falls while playing and starts crying. Instead of saying, “It's okay, don’t cry,” it's better to say: “I saw you running and you fell. Now your knee hurts, right?”

This approach helps the child make sense of what happened and eases their emotional response.

How to Understand a Child’s Brain? The Brain as a House

To better visualize how the brain works, imagine it as a house. The ground floor is responsible for emotions and non-verbal communication, while the upper floor is the realm of logical thinking, planning, and reasoning. Children are born with a fully functional ground floor, but their upper floor is still under construction. When a child experiences strong emotions, the “stairs” leading from the ground floor to the upper floor are blocked, which means they can’t access rational thinking.

The Role of the Amygdala

The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure in the brain responsible for processing emotions like fear and anger. In young children, the amygdala is hyperactive, which leads to frequent outbursts of anger and frustration. The amygdala blocks access to the rational parts of the brain, causing us to act before we think. Therefore, it is essential to calm the amygdala before trying to reason with the child.

This applies to adults as well, but our brains are fully developed, and we have learned techniques to manage such situations more effectively.

In Summary

The next time your child is having a "meltdown," remember the division between the right and left hemispheres or visualize the brain as a house. Try to connect with your child's right hemisphere by showing empathy and understanding what they’re going through. Once they calm down, you can start using logic and reasoning. This approach will help your child return to a state of balance and teach them how to manage difficult emotions in the future.